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More Medical Terminology For The Layman

Written by Wellness Club on July 9, 2009 – 3:27 pm -

As you know, here at The Wellness Club we like to use our HealthBeat Newsletter as a vehicle with which to educate and empower our readers. Medical terminology can be very confusing – not just for laypeople but for medical professionals too. With that in mind, we are pleased to present this concise listing of some of the more common medical terms you may hear. Having mastered this list you will be well-prepared to discuss most any medical condition with your doctor and you will be in a perfect position to amaze your friends with your technical knowledge.


More Medical Terminology For The Layman

(author unknown)

ANTIBODY: against everyone
ARTERY: the study of fine paintings
BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria
BANDAGES: The Rolling Stones
BARIUM: what you do when CPR fails
BENIGN: what you be after you be eight
BOTULISM: tendency to make mistakes
BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CAESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her
COLIC: a sheep dog
COMA: a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL: friendly
CORTIZONE: the local courthouse
D & C: where Washington is
DILATE: to live longer
ENEMA: not a friend
ENTERITIS: a penchant for burglary
ER: the things on your head that you hear with
FESTER: quicker
FIBRILLATE: to tell lies
G.I. SERIES: baseball games between teams of soldiers
GENES: blue denim slacks
GENITAL: Non- Jewish
GRIPPE: what you do to a suitcase
HANGNAIL: a coat hook
HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space
HERPES: what women do in the Ladies Room
HORMONES: what a prostitute does when she doesn’t get paid
ICU: peek-a-boo
IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known
INPATIENT: tired of waiting
LABOR PAIN: hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF: a doctor’s cane
MINOR OPERATION: somebody else’s
MORBID: a higher offer
NITRATE: lower than day rate
NODE: was aware of
ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move
ORGANIC: church musician
OUTPATIENT: a person who has fainted
PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PLASTER CAST: the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert
POST-OPERATIVE: a letter carrier
PROTEIN: in favor of young people
RECOVERY ROOM: place to upholster furniture
RECTUM: what happened to the Corvette
RHEUMATIC: amorous
SALINE: where you go on your boyfriend’s boat
SECRETION: hiding anything
SEROLOGY: study of English knighthood
SURGERY: a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply
STERILE SOLUTION: not using the elevator during a fire
TABLET: a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport
TIBIA: country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR: an extra pair
URINE: opposite of "you’re out"
VARICOSE: very close
VEIN: conceited

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