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MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEETS (MSDS) – A Most Useful Tool For Researchers

Written by Wellness Club on June 11, 2009 – 11:48 am -

Many of our readers may be familiar with the ubiquitous MSDS documents that define the makeup, uses, and hazards of virtually anything you might imagine. These are often very useful as they can provide surprising information about substances. We frequently refer to these documents here at The Wellness Club when we are conducting our research.

This set of MSDS documents found it’s way into our email inboxes recently, and we thought it might be useful to pass the information along.

 

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET (MSDS)

Woman: A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: Wo

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., known to vary from 110 to 550 lbs.

OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

  • Surface usually covered with a painted film.
  • Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
  • Melts if given special treatment.
  • Bitter if incorrectly used.
  • Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
  • Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

  • Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
  • Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
  • May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
  • Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
  • Most powerful money-reducing agent know to man.

COMMON USES:

  • Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
  • Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS:

  • Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
  • Turns green when placed besides a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

  • Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
  • Illegal to possess more than one.

 

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET (MSDS)

Man: A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT: Man

SYMBOL: XY

DISCOVERER: Uncertain

ATOMIC MASS: 180 +/-100

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

  • Solid at room temperature but easily gets bent out of shape.
  • Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample.
  • Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as fresh young samples.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

  • Attempts to bond with Wo (element Woman) any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself.
  • Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for prolonged periods of time.
  • Pretty basic.
  • Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

USAGE:

  • None really, except methane production. Many samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

HAZARDS:

  • In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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