A third and final installment in this look at paraprosdokians:

 

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
• Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
• I always take life with a grain of salt… plus a slice of lemon…. and a shot of tequila.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

We recently looked at Gender Differences and Rates of Depression.

 

We continue that scholarly look at this important subject with another oft-used tool of psychoanalysis in the hopes of generating a deeper understanding of the differences between men and women with a view to how we might learn to bridge what are sometimes vast chasms of understanding and thus to improve communications between the sexes.

Psychoanalysts will often have their subjects keep detailed diaries of the events of their day and how those events shape the thoughts and feelings of the subject. This is often useful when conducting, for example, couples counseling.

Here is a look at the his and hers diaries of one such couple, each detailing the events of the same day – you may find the differences in thought and emotion illuminating:

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m an emotional wreck right now.

 

His Diary:

Boat wouldn’t start. Can’t figure out why…

Modern medical science seems determined to spend fortunes on studies and research aimed at determining the cause for well-known differences in rates of clinical depression between men and women.

Perhaps they should give it a rest and direct their attentions toward “proving” something more useful like, say, why a Ketogenic Diet is better for so many reasons that a high carbohydrate diet or why daily supplementation with an optimal dose multiple vitamin like Maxi Multi is still the surest way to provide a solid foundation for good health.

It seems that the answers to the depression question have been succinctly provided to us in this following email that we recently received:

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:

More women than men suffer from depression. Science has identified multiple reasons for this disparity.

Men may suffer less depression than women because when you are male:

• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be President.
• You can never be pregnant.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• The world is your urinal.
• You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
• New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• One mood lasts all month long.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $4.95 for a three-pack.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You only have to shave your face and neck.
• You can play with toys all your life.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes in ­one color for all seasons.
• You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
• You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

 

Additional differences that may account for less depression seen in men:

 

NICKNAMES

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

 

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

 

BATHROOMS

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
• The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 16 of these items.

 

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

 

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, pick up the kids from school, take the dog to the groomer, visit a friend in the hospital.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 

NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

OFFSPRING

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Ewww… Another Case Of Paraprosdokian

 

By Nurse Mark

 

Ok, Now that I have your attention…

 

We examined the paraprosdokian with some examples in a recent issue of HealthBeat News, and it was a popular article – lots of folks got a chuckle from the article and wrote to say so.

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

Here are some more – have fun with them!

• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paycheques.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.”
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip