Category: Funnies

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to have a little fun by opening a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000." To today’s youth this might be known as “trolling.”

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer was a quack who didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get the $1,000 and to embarrass the old man. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

The visit went like this:

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ?”
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth."
Dr. Young: “Aaagh !! — "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young left the clinic very annoyed and went back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Here’s how the next visit went:

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back . That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having now lost $1000) left angrily and then returned after several more days with a new plan – and that visit went like this:

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!!!! "
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so,  " Here’s your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story — Just because you’re "Young" and confident doesn’t mean that you can outsmart a pragmatic "old Geezer"

And remember: Don’t annoy old people. They don’t much like being old in the first place, so it often doesn’t take much to tick them off.

By Dr. Dana Myatt

 

Conventional doctors must follow really strict rules to bill insurance. A massive book called the ICD (International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems) is now on volume 10 – hence it’s new name, the ICD-10. The ICD book has a number for everything imaginable because without an ICD number an insurance claim cannot be submitted or paid.

Just looking up codes and filling out insurance forms is highly paid specialty work – which is part of what makes conventional medicine so obscenely expensive.

Here are some additional actual billing codes for insurance, taken from the new ICD-10 code book – this is what makes being a physician more fun than a barrel of moneys.

V91.07XA  Burn due to water-skis on fire, initial encounter.
(Stunt gone wrong? Water skiing too fast?)

V97.33XD Sucked into jet engine, subsequent encounter
(Let’s see…. you got sucked into a jet engine once and lived, then let it happen again? As John Wayne said, "Life is hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.")

E012.0  Activities involving knitting or crocheting.
(I always advise my patients to avoid high-risk sports)

W61.61XA Bitten by duck, initial encounter.
(I have a duck. Ducks do not have teeth.)

W61.61XD Bitten by duck, subsequent encounter.
(This happened twice? Did I mention that ducks do not have teeth?)

V61.6XXD Passenger in heavy transport vehicle injured in collision with pedal cycle in traffic accident, subsequent encounter.
(Help me here. Someone in a heavy transport vehicle was injured hitting a bicycle? Twice? What are the chances???)

R46.1 Bizarre personal appearance.
(This code created especially for Lady Gaga)

Y92.253 Hurt at the opera.
(I know, I’ve been to some seriously awful performances myself)

W22.02XA Walked into lamppost, initial encounter.
(Drunk, or texting?)

W22.02XD Walked into lamppost, subsequent encounter.
(Some people never learn)

V95.45 Spacecraft explosion injuring occupant.
(Does anyone actually survive this?)

W27.4XXD  Contact with kitchen utensil, subsequent encounter.
(I suspect fowl play…maybe involving that biting duck)

S10.87 Superficial bite of other specified part of neck, initial encounter.
(Yep, Vampires are real, folks)

and my personal favorite…

T81.10  Therapeutic misadventure
(a.k.a. "Ooops," and also known as “the doctor screwed up,” also known as a malpractice lawsuit)

This was Sent to us by subscriber Peg from Washington:

Here are some fun Halloween quiz questions – lucky 13 of them – try your luck first, the answers are below.

Have fun with the kids and grandkids with these!

Questions:

1. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
2. What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
3. What did the skeleton say before eating?
4. What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
5. Why can’t skeletons play music in church?
6. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
7. What happened to the sailors who sank in the river full of piranha?
8. Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night?
9. Why did the skeleton stay late at school?
10. How do skeletons get their mail?
11. What kind of plate does a skeleton eat off of?
12. Why do skeletons hate winter? (Peg says “are they snowbirds?”)
13. Why are skeletons so calm?

Answers:

1. No body
2. Lazy bones
3. Bon Appetite
4. Trombone
5. They have no organs
6. Could feel it in his bones
7. They came back as a skeleton crew
8. He was a numbskull
9. He was boning up for his exams
10. Boney express
11. Bone china
12. The wind goes right through them
13. Nothing gets under their skin