Category: Funnies

No, this is not another article about the dangers of sleeping pills!

Who says medics are dry and have no sense of humor? Some can even sing too!

Here is a group of anesthetists whose music will bring a smile to your face…

By Nurse Mark

 

Regular readers know that we here at The Wellness Club spend much of each day immersed in medical research – indeed, most of our readers know that you need to get up pretty early in the morning to find some tidbit of medical information that Dr. Myatt or I have not already heard of.

Most people don’t know however that we are also interested in the Fine Arts and enjoy occasional research into the history of the arts.

For example after considerable research, we have discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.

Among them were:

His dizzy aunt… Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes… Gotta Gogh
The constipated uncle… Cant Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store… Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia… U Gogh
The cousin from Illinois… Chica Gogh
His magician uncle… Wherediddit Gogh
His Mexican cousin… Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin’s American half brother… Grin Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt… Tan Gogh
A sister who loved disco… Go Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach… Wellsfar Gogh
The bird lover uncle… Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst… E. Gogh
The fruit loving cousin… Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking… Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew… Poe Gogh
The hairdresser… Washan Gogh
The marathon runner… Readysteady Gogh

OK, OK… I’ll stop it!

You did know that I am a fan of “the lowest form of humor,” the pun, right?

I guess I’d better Gogh now!

Cheers,
Nurse Mark

An auto mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop waiting for the service manager to look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doctor! Come over here for a minute.”

The heart surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts, and when I’m finished this will work like new.

So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? ”

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic…

He said: “Try doing it when the engine is running”.

The Adventures Of Cuddles The Poodle Teach Us How Age and Experience Beats Youth and Enthusiasm…

 

A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa, and took her faithful but aging poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle started chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovered that he was lost. Wandering about, he noticed a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thought, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard was about to leap the old poodle exclaimed loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young leopard halted his attack in mid-strike. A look of terror came over him and he slunk away into the trees. “Whew!”, said the leopard, “That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he went, but the old poodle saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon caught up with the leopard, spilled the beans and struck a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard was furious at being made a fool of and said, “Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!

The old poodle saw the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thought “What am I going to do now?” – but instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hadn’t seen them yet, and just when they came close enough to hear, the old poodle said:

“Where’s that darned monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

Moral of this story…

Don’t mess with the experience of years… age and treachery will always overcome youth and enthusiasm!

Audacity and brilliance develop through age and experience.

By Nurse Mark

 

Spirituality and religious faith are important to many of our Wellness Club members, customers, and HealthBeat News readers.

Dr. Myatt has long recognized the importance of spirituality in healing and wellness, and in fact she has taught and lectured on this subject and has produced 2 very popular videos:

In The Body/Mind Connection Dr. Myatt describes the Body/Mind Connection in terms of easy-to-understand physiology. She explains how thoughts become translated into flesh via the endocrine and nervous system. She also explains how we can draw upon that knowledge to change unproductive habits, heal our bodies, and create new circumstances.

In Remembering Who You Are Dr. Myatt explains that recognition and remembrance of our true nature has always been the goal of both science and religion. It is a necessary component of the healing process, whether of body, mind, or spirit. Drawing from well-accepted scientific principals, plus wisdom from a variety of the worlds great religions, she will lead you on a journey of remembrance that may prove to be the most valuable tool of your entire existence.

With this in mind, we thought our readers might enjoy this combining of of wisdom from two rather different belief systems, expressed in familiar sayings from each:

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life;
With the first sip, joy;
With the second sip, satisfaction;
With the third sip, peace;
With the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with
a single “Oy Vey”

There is no escaping from karma
In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited.
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have? Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is clearly not Jewish.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as a wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You’ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says, There is no self.
So, maybe we’re off the hook