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Life In Arizona – A Primer

Written by Wellness Club on September 5, 2013 – 1:29 pm -

Many of our readers know that Dr. Myatt and Nurse Mark are located in Arizona – which has a reputation for being one of the hottest places on the planet Earth. That is not entirely true; Arizona boasts of alpine-like villages in some of the highest mountains in the country, and ski resorts, and the largest contiguous conifer forest in the United States. These, of course are found within the same state as are barren, blazing hot deserts, cactus forests, haboob sandstorms, and snakes, lizards, scorpions and other assorted desert critters.

Still, there are some things that make life in Arizona truly a unique experience that changes those who come to live here. We learn new things and habits and words, and when we stop to think about them they are what makes us Arizonans. Here are a few of those things – they will make those of you from the cold states shake your heads in dismay – but they will make Arizonans nod in agreement and smile…

 

How you know you’re from Arizona:

 

When:

You can say Hohokam and no one thinks you’re making it up.

You no longer associate rivers or bridges with water.

You know that a “swamp cooler” is not a happy hour drink.

You know that you can make sun tea outside faster than instant tea in your microwave.

You have to run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so that you can use your fireplace.

The water coming from the “cold” tap is hotter than that from the “hot” tap.

You can correctly pronounce the following words: “Saguaro,” “Tempe,” “Gila Bend,” “San Xavier del Bac,” “Canyon de Chelly,” “Mogollon Rim,” “Cholla,” “Tlaquepacque,” and “Ajo.”

It’s noon on a weekday in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one single person is moving on the streets.

Hot air balloons can’t fly because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.

You buy guacamole and salsa by the gallon.

Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and 100 paper bags.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October, but clear out come the end of April.

You think someone driving while wearing oven mitts is clever.

Most of the restaurants in your town have the first name “El” or “Los.”

You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.

You can say “There will be a high of 115 degrees all week,” without fainting.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

People break out jackets when the temperature drops below 70.

You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.

The pool can be warmer than you are.

Most people will not drink tap water unless they are under dire conditions.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

You realize Valley Fever isn’t a disco dance.

People with black cars or who have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you’re wearing shorts.

Announcements for Fourth of July events never end with “in case of rain…”

You know that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

You know that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

You have to explain to out-of-staters why there is no daylight saving time.

You know that a Gila Monster is a real creature, not an animated character in a old Japanese horror movie.

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