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A Collection Of Funnies For The Older Crowd:

Written by Wellness Club on January 24, 2008 – 5:51 pm -

A Collection Of Funnies For The Older Crowd:

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.

“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,” I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”


An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son:

“Yes, Dad, what is it?”

“Don’t be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…”


Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.


The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.


Some people try to turn back their odometers.

Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way.

I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.


When you feel dissatisfied and would like to return to the days of your youth, think of Algebra.


You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.


One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.


Ah, being young is beautiful,

But being old is comfortable.


First you forget names, then you forget faces.

Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

It’s worse when you forget to pull it down.


Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.

Today, it’s called golf.


Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first old guy says to the Second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my Wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The second old guy says, “That’s OK, It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

The first old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”

The second old guy says: “Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?”

To which the first old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, — let’s look for yours.”


Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder

And your hand over my mouth

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