By Dr. Dana Myatt

Conventional doctors must follow really strict rules to bill insurance. A massive book called the ICD (International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems) is now on volume 10 – hence it’s new name, the ICD-10. The ICD book has a number for everything imaginable because without an ICD number an insurance claim cannot be submitted or paid.

Just looking up codes and filling out insurance forms is highly paid specialty work – which is part of what makes conventional medicine so obscenely expensive.

Here are some additional actual billing codes for insurance, taken from the new ICD-10 code book – this is what makes being a physician more fun than a barrel of moneys.

V91.07XA  Burn due to water-skis on fire, initial encounter.
(Stunt gone wrong? Water skiing too fast?)

V97.33XD Sucked into jet engine, subsequent encounter
(Let’s see…. you got sucked into a jet engine once and lived, then let it happen again? As John Wayne said, "Life is hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.")

E012.0  Activities involving knitting or crocheting.
(I always advise my patients to avoid high-risk sports)

W61.61XA Bitten by duck, initial encounter.
(I have a duck. Ducks do not have teeth.)

W61.61XD Bitten by duck, subsequent encounter.
(This happened twice? Did I mention that ducks do not have teeth?)

V61.6XXD Passenger in heavy transport vehicle injured in collision with pedal cycle in traffic accident, subsequent encounter.
(Help me here. Someone in a heavy transport vehicle was injured hitting a bicycle? Twice? What are the chances???)

R46.1 Bizarre personal appearance.
(This code created especially for Lady Gaga)

Y92.253 Hurt at the opera.
(I know, I’ve been to some seriously awful performances myself)

W22.02XA Walked into lamppost, initial encounter.
(Drunk, or texting?)

W22.02XD Walked into lamppost, subsequent encounter.
(Some people never learn)

V95.45 Spacecraft explosion injuring occupant.
(Does anyone actually survive this?)

W27.4XXD  Contact with kitchen utensil, subsequent encounter.
(I suspect fowl play…maybe involving that biting duck)

S10.87 Superficial bite of other specified part of neck, initial encounter.
(Yep, Vampires are real, folks)

and my personal favorite…

T81.10  Therapeutic misadventure
(a.k.a. "Ooops," and also known as “the doctor screwed up,” also known as a malpractice lawsuit)

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