Investment tips for 2009

With all the turmoil in the markets today and the collapse of so many of the financial giants and mergers of so many of the MegaCorporations this might be some good advice. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.   Watch for these consolidations this year:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and will be: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally…

9. Victoria’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name:

Uh, you can figure this last one out… (hint – it rhymes with the title of a 1968 children’s musical comedy starring Dick Van Dyke as an inventor who creates an amazing flying car that drives by itself)

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